Christians are straight up FREAKS
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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