Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
