My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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