Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
