please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
