Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
