So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
