So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
