i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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