Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
