We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
