Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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