what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
