We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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