I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize