who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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