This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When are your genitals available?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
