he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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