So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
