I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
