She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
