Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
