so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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