he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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