Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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