you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think people are normalizing furries
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize