you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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