I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
