i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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