I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
