We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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