I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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