her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
