I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
