guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I want her autograph on my taint
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
