i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
