4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
