My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
