she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
