I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
