very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
