my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
These tits shall not be calmed
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
