marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
