I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
high people should be assigned attendants
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Come on in and take your pants off
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