So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
