I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize