Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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