I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
