I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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