vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
