it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
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