don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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