I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize