He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
