too bad you live with your parents still
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
