do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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