I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
