the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
