you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
