I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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