I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize